Holy Christ (A Good Friday essay or words to that effect)


THIS blog entry intends to find out why the death of Jesus Christ falls on a day called Good Friday when it should be called—at the very least—Bad Friday or Frigging Friday, as the case may be, especially since it’s the D-Day of the Big JC.
So why call it Good Friday for Christ’s sake?
No one is even sure whether Christ died on a Friday. Why not rearrange the event and make his crucifixion fall on a Tuesday so that the faithful can then call it Tragic Tuesday? (Wednesday can also work. Woeful Wednesday. Thursday can too—Terrible Thursday).
That way, Christians the world over, acting on their personal convictions, would take it seriously and refuse, unlike Filipino Catholics, to go to Boracay during Holy Week.
But as things stand, the date of Christ’s death and resurrection remain sadly, incomprehensible.
Let’s say—for the sake of argument—that the Son of God died on a Friday and came back to life three days hence. Three days after Friday is Monday, not Sunday.
But if we go by what the Church says, the Savior of the World experienced the Lazarus effect on a Sunday. So what does that make him? A zombie?
Indeed, leave it to organized religion to confuse their followers, something which any kind of faith-based organization is good at.
Being very well-versed in damage control and public relations, every other religious sect established by Peter, Paul, and Mary—no offense to the musical trio and their followers—have committed countless sins against humanity. And they have gotten away with it.
After all, they can always say God, Allah, Jehovah, or The Guy Upstairs put them up to it.
If everything fails to proceed according to plan, “religious leaders” can always threaten excommunication, which can always work nine times out of ten.
It didn’t work with Galileo but hey, not everyone can risk saying unpopular things, especially with threats of fire and brimstone in the afterlife.
This explains why the Roman Catholic Church remains relatively blameless for undertaking the Crusades, killing millions of Moors and allowing Muslim martyrs to enjoy seventy-seven virgins without the burden of a full-time relationship, let alone the risk of venereal disease.
Same goes for the Islamic fundamentalists.
Their suicide bombing attacks have done wonders to strengthen security—aviation and otherwise—especially in rich countries.
If it weren’t for their jihad, the United States—the world’s most powerful country and the world’s largest economy—wouldn’t have created the Homeland Security Department.
Without that agency, fat, white, patriotic Americans would have been rendered unemployable, unable to afford life’s basic necessities (i.e., beer, junk food, and financially-desperate female companions from Third World Asian countries).
Which is why the global Christian congregation should set the record straight regarding Christ’s death. Only then can the world take the Lenten Season seriously. In the meantime, it really wouldn’t hurt to visit to Boracay during the Holy Week. That is, if you can stand the crowds.


Photo above shows the Pope after Pope John Paul II, whatever his name is. The late Pope John Paul at least apologized for excommunicating Galileo. While I would have put Boracay babes in bikinis, it would have infringed on their respective rights to privacy. And I would rather incur the ire of the Pope than a Boracay babe.



Filed under Yadda Yadda Yadda

7 responses to “Holy Christ (A Good Friday essay or words to that effect)

  1. Pre,

    Don’t be a killjoy — come Easter, you have nearly a week of free time and a city largely empty of noise and other irritants:) Isipan mo na lang, kung walang Holy Week, may mahaba ba tayong bakasyong kagaya ng tinatamasa natin ngayon? That’s one of the happy vestiges of a Christian past he he he

    One special issue of Dissent magazine (that venerable journal of what’s left of the new left in the US, or one forsaken wing of it), will dispute with your characterization of Christianity’s many faults on one point: the fact that more people were killed under Socialism and Communism in the 20th century than those who were killed in all the religious wars combined attributable to the misdeeds of various versions of Christianity from the Crusades all the way to the Protestant-Catholic wars that ended at the peace of Westphalia in 1648. (A point that our favorite literary critic Terry Eagleton raised in the London Review of Books against Richard Dawkins’ latest bestseller, the God Delusion).

    Does it excuse Christianity of its horrendous display of stupidity? I would agree with you that the answer is no.

    PS: salamat for updating the link…kitakits tayo minsan…

  2. Pahabol,

    For a tentative answer to your question about the Death and Resurrection of Christ, I would refer you to the recent work of fine Oxford scholar (and incumbent bishop of Durham) Tom (N.T.) Wright — The Resurrection of the Son of God (2003).

  3. Boojie

    Thank you for that intelligent reaction Reverend Father Pastor Romel Bagares. 🙂 That was just finger exercise–but then again, what isn’t–while using a new word processing software app–WriteRoom. Distraction-free writing indeed.

  4. hi!
    you’ve got some serious questions there, bosing. i’m tempted to answer them kaya lang i’m not into blogging so i can start religious debates with strangers. let’s all leave that to the adherents of Iglesia ni Cristo and Dating Daan. anyway, i hope you’d learn the answer soon. They actually make sense, if you have time to learn them.
    God bless and i hope to read more from you.

  5. Dear Brother Utoy–

    A friend of mine–a well-read, open-minded born-again
    Christian–actually raised a number of issues regarding what I wrote,
    which was intended primarily to poke fun at predominantly Catholic
    beliefs in the Philippines. What I wrote wasn’t so funny, I admit, but
    while I myself have no inclination to begin online religious debates
    with strangers, I nevertheless appreciate that you read me and cared
    enough to write me an email. Again, I appreciate your reply. Hope you
    come again soon. I’ll put something up. Meanwhile, you can also visit
    my other–corporate–blog. 🙂


  6. that’s it? no other takers?

    wow, boodjie… either people have gotten very open-minded about religious matters or the dyed-in-the-wool christian fundamentalists don’t browse blogs that often 🙂

    brother utoy! si “mang” taroogs to. hehe

  7. fahimuzzaman

    Hi Robert,

    Just wanted to add that those so-called “suicide bomber” can better be termed as reckless killers or collateral damage perpetrators. They are not justified to go and harm or injure to innocent soles leave alone kill those who are their target. Even for arguments’ sake we accept their contention that their cause is justified their means are completely unacceptable. Let me dare to say that by committing such acts they are not getting free pass to heaven. They have to account for innocent lives taken. It is something which Muslims’ Holy Book Quran prohibits clearly. Just imagine that they are claiming to be the representatives of a religion which prohibits damaging the trees, private property and harming elderly, young children and women during the war regardless of the fact whether they belong to enemy or neutral parties. Such a sorry state we are all in.

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